Laws of Attraction

#243: 5 and 8

I was able to watch two documentaries on National Geographic on two different but related topics. I will not go over them because that is why you have your own cable subscriptions; but I'd like to lift out a line that intrigued me from those two. Both stated something to this effect: Between the ages of 5 and 8, we build an idea or a picture of the kind of person we are attracted to and we carry that through most of our lives - assessing potential partners through that lens. It's almost as if we've created our own laws of attraction in those ages we were losing our milk teeth or learning to ride bikes.

What do you think of this? If you look at that period in your life, are there indicators that you were already being shaped or influenced to like a particular type of person from the opposite sex?

Pieces Falling

#242: Into Place

Today is a very PRODUCTIVE day. I emphasize 'productive' because when you're done being a student and you don't have a job, and you don't have a visa to stay in the country where you're supposed to reside with your future husband, you try to squeeze the most out of the only thing that allows you to see RESULTS. The wedding.

Today I met with Mary-Sean of DreamWorkers. She's an answered prayer. I'm very iffy with the thought of handing over a big wad of cash to a stranger who'll do most of the work on that single day that cannot be repeated nor forgotten. If it turns out disastrous, a stranger will say, "Eek. A nasty blog entry and poor supplier review are on their way. Oh well." A friend on the other hand, will be very careful about the prints she leaves on your special day. And if it doesn't turn out as nicely as intended, her handprints will still carry the value poured by a well-meaning friend.

Mary-Sean has a been a friend since 6th grade. She set up an events planning business in 2003 with some of her friends. When I talked to her in July, she told me that they were already booked for October. However, I got an excited SMS last week saying that at the last minute, the other bride postponed her wedding, freeing her up to handle my wedding! The heavens opened and a host of angels sang, "Hallelujah" in flawless falsettos.

What use is a wedding day coordinator anyway? Well, when you're a bride 1.5 months away from your wedding date, you've practically used up all the 'goodwill' from nice friends who had been helping you out earlier with supplier hunts and payment arrangements. And you've basically soaked up all you can with regard to preparations. Wedding details are pouring out of your ears and nostrils. You get sick of trying to remember what else you've forgotten as you go through the 25th wedding checklist that came free with the 25 wedding magazines you purchased to get ready for this day. And so you're ready to turn over the responsibility to another person who'll do the anxious checking and re-checking for you as you content yourself with just preparing your heart to say "I do."

A wedding coordinator is also invaluable when your maid of honor is missing in action and all your bridesmaids have full-time jobs that pay them good money to stay away from unofficial business (i.e., wedding-fussing for a personal friend). Ah, wedding day coordinators are such cool inventions. :)

Along with having Mary-Sean fall on my lap, here are some more things falling into place:

Elements of our invitation.

The tedious process of calligraphy, sealing and shipping.

Charming table set-up by Pido Villanueva!

More Pido charm! (Aren't event stylists fab?)

Mary-Sean Felongco of DreamWorkers in pink. I'm in good trustworthy hands.

Bambi de la Cruz, make-up artist for the entourage. They're in good talented hands.

Are we excited yet???

Try and Try

#241: Trial Make-up

I am faithful to my hairstylists. My hair is a bit strange so it takes a really talented person to make it look nice. If you cut it the wrong way, waves go in weird directions and looking normal becomes a daily struggle for me. Now, most hairstylists here in the Philippines can also do make-up. Not all will be good but majority will be quite capable.

If other brides already know what kind of dress they'll wear from the word, "Yes" (like, "will you marry me?" "Yes!"), I already knew who I wanted to have for my hair and make-up. I could be wearing rags for all I care. I just needed to have nice hair.

And so I booked Ms. Sydney. She did my eye make-up once (because she was so fascinated with how well I carried the new cut she gave me) and I just felt fabulous walking out of the salon that time. That sealed the deal for me.... which, on retrospect, was a bit short-sighted and shallow on my end. It's like choosing a shoe because it fits your right big toe.

I did my trial hair and make-up with her last June and because I trusted her too much, I basically gave her free reign on what to do with my look. She gave me 6 hairstyles and told me that for my make-up, she was going to do this: (pointing to Angelina Jolie's almost bare face on the front cover of a magazine.) Good choice. I like the au naturel look. While she was putting on my make-up, I basically gave her all my bargaining chips. I told her that I'm considering no one else but her to do my hair and make-up... and that if she gives birth on the day of my wedding (she's due late October, early November), I'll cry. Little did I know that I'd want to cry a lot sooner.

She finished off my make-up with a bright pink lipstick and a glassy lip gloss. I looked at the mirror and swallowed hard. Hello Japayuki version of myself!

It took my parents, my friends and my fiance to convince me to abandon that option.

"Yes, we know you love her, Gladys but you can't look like that on your wedding day!!!"

Well, to be honest, I don't know if I can look like that any day! (Except on the day I decide to make a career change and fly off to Japan to be a Yuki.)

Left: Japayu-Me Right: Just Me

I called the other person who had been doing my hair before Ms. Sydney. (I lost track of her at some point because she just kept jumping salons.) Thank goodness her number was still in my old SIM. Her name is Rita and my trial hair & make-up with her was a lot better. She gave me just two hairstyles but at least, she captured my coloring better, she didn't change the shape of my eyes, and I walked out of the salon looking like I'm just a better version of myself. Ah, finally, a stylist who gets my make-up philosophy.

Me? Make-up? No, I just woke up gorgeous!

Marrying a Foreigner (Part 2)

#240: The Marriage License Saga Continues

Step 5

a. Go to the DFA on the stated date.

b. Try to go through the same gate you went through before because you remember seeing a releasing window just near that gate. The security guards will stop you. They will say that you should go through Gate 3.

c. Ask where Gate 3 is and expect a clear answer. You will not get it. You will get the usual Pinoy, "dun lang sa kabila" with the pointed lips.

d. Find 3-5 more people along the way to ask: Where is Gate 3?

e. Resist the urge to join queues before finding out what they are for - even when you are practically being dragged by 2 girls (who, on retrospect, obviously look like fixers) to join the game, "longest line."

f. A stranger will pop out of nowhere to tell you where Gate 3 is. Do not get freaked out. You will want to wonder whether he is an angel or he's a freak who has been following you since the guards kicked you out of Gate 1. Forget it. No time to wonder in the Philippine noonday heat when you have a whole afternoon of inefficiency waiting.

g. The first gate on your left, which above-mentioned stranger points you to, is not Gate 3. The next gate after that is not Gate 3 either. Just try out all the gates. The gate you will NOT try getting into is Gate 3.

h. There are 3 signs for 3 lines for 3 "need types." You will find one that matches your need: Release of authenticated documents. Foolishly join the queue without asking the all-knowing security guard.

i. Wait for 20 minutes without reason except that the guy before you in line told you to just wait there.

j. Become impatient at the wanton killing of your braincells as you stand in the pointless line without knowing what to expect. Weave your way to the front to ask the guard one silly question: Where do I go with this receipt for the release of my authenticated document? The guard will tell you to go straight in and head towards the end of the building.

k. You will choose between relief and disbelief. It doesn't matter. No one cares.

l. Go to the end where you will find the releasing window. It is exactly where you thought it would be - 15 meters from Gate 1 if the guards just let you through in item b. Tough luck. They had been briefed that the best way to serve the Filipino people is to make them needlessly walk 1.5 kms to the farthest gate under the blistering sun.

m. The person at the releasing window will get your receipt and tell you to sit with the rest of the world until your name is called. Think of raindrops, roses and blue satin sashes. Or not. Call your printer to check if he can deliver the invites this week. Call your dressmaker to see if she will still make time to meet with you after you've paid for the project in full. Think of all the people you need to harass and then just call, call, call.

n. When they call your name, proceed to the window. You will realize that they have made a mistake on your document. Window girl now is trying to quickly write a note on the side to instruct someone to correct their mistake. She will not explain anything to you. There will be no apologies. She will carry on like it was part of the regular process to botch up the simple job. She will point you to an area for Corrections. That's when you should realize she just sentenced you to 2.5 hours of mindless waiting as a price for their incompetence.

o. Of course it's already 5 mins to 12nn. The guard informs you that the person will be back at 1:30pm. I don't know when government offices started having 1.5 hour lunches but here is proof. You can wail. If you choose this option, call a friend to wail to so that people around you don't think you should be carried off to the mental hospital. I called Cathy. Let me know if you want her number. You can also choose to just quietly sulk. You realize after all that it is useless to resist. You cannot rage against the machine. (And all the 90's cliches that you can think of.)

p. After 1.5 hours of waiting, the girl will look at the "note" Window Girl wrote and tell you to wait. You recognize the admission on her face that it was their office's mistake. In that split-second, you can say, "Ha!" Or not.

q. Your document will be released 45 minutes after.

Step 6

a. Go back to your City Hall. By this time, the people know you already. "Oh, she's the one marrying a foreigner."

b. Girl-behind-desk looks at your document and tells you to get it notarized. You ask where. She said another girl will give you directions where to go.

c. Direction Girl will tell you to go around the corner.
Where?
Just around the corner.
Where?
Just there. (Pointing with her lips.)
Does the place have a name?
Sta. Lucia Building.
Does the office have a name?
Unit 101.
(Could you have told me Unit 101, Sta Lucia Bldg, 1st corner to your left after you leave the gate EARLIER?)

d. Go back to Girl-behind-desk. She will give you a little sheet of paper on which she wrote: Php150.00. She will also tell you to go to the cashier then find a photocopying machine and make a copy of the receipt. (Why couldn't she have told me to do this EARLIER so that I could have just done those things immediately after the notarization without having to go back to her?)

e. Pay. Photocopy. Run to girl-behind-desk.

f. She finally writes a release date on your receipt - 10 days after submission. You can breathe now. Or you can wait for whatever surprise they may still have for you in 10 days.